Can you even hear me screaming? I honestly don’t think anyone does most days. I hear everyone screaming. I put myself last every single time. If something can be done to help those screams become into echoes of past demons then I will proudly put myself out of the equation to help whoever against those demons. I am talking about demons that live inside us all. Every single one of us. Some of us can hide them better than others. Some of us you can just look into their eyes and see their battles. I guess I am one of the of ones who can hide them. There are days I can argue that its a good quality. On the other hand there are days that I feel frozen watching everyone else living and I wonder how can they not notice. There are moments that I love being able to be strong for myself; there are moments that I am desperate for someone to be strong for me. Do you know the demons that I am talking about? I don’t care what you say we all have them. They live inside of us and tell us things like… why are you even trying? why are you doing so much? Give up! your not good enough! They answer to many names though. Demons is what I refer to them as. Insecurities, fears, self-doubt, self-hate. Those are just a few of the demons I am talking about. None of us welcome them in but they creep in at some point. At some point we open the door into our minds and slowly they take over. You find that you have gone from finding shapes in the clouds to wanting to float away on one. I don’t believe that happiness is a destination nor something you can achieve. I believe that happiness is a state of mind; a choice. A choice everyday to just be happy that you have the choice of what to do today. A choice that you are aloud to be happy. The thing is that even when you chose happy the demons within you don’t care. If they cant get to you from within yourself they more than likely call over to their demon friends within someone else and say “hey this girl is ignoring me. can you speak up?’ All of a sudden people around you their words seem to cut deeper. Your conversations go from simply talking to simply trying to slash that glow you decided to have today in half. They actions have gone from supporting you, understanding, trying to work with you to trying to put you back into your place. You then have the choice of slashing back or walking away. Although, walking away is the correct answer every time. Walking away feels empowering. You are deciding to hold onto your power instead of giving it up to whoever it maybe. But its like with every step you take away you still somehow have a feeling underneath the power of walking away like you are disgusted by your own actions. You didn’t do anything to deserve to be slashed at. You didn’t do anything to be their target. Your actions were just and you want them to know. As you continue to walk away every step you take you question each step. You fight every urge to scream out STOP! you want to rewind but you keep stepping away from it. Maybe even after a little time pass can you go back and explain to them. Can you do that? Itd take away from the disgusting feeling you have. But are you making the right decision or are you wanting to talk about it still because you low key have your own sword behind your back and want to chop up their glow without even knowing it? What if they had moved on and their demons were silenced and you are just about to slash away for no reason but to wake them up again? Is walking away the only option?  Even in those moments I can feel myself screaming for them to hear me; to see me. I often find myself wondering if no one puts theirselves in others shoes anymore. Like before they speak or act. Do people still think before they speak? Do they wonder hey what if this was me? I have hope in humanity I honestly do. In a world this cruel and full of chaos there is still love. But I wonder if there is still people out there that think before drawing out their swords.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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